Two Brothers
by Miss.Puppet.1
Summary: Sometimes brothers are closer than you think. (TW talk of suicide; possible suicide attempt and self harm in later chapters)
1. Chapter 1

_Hey! It's me again. Back for more._

_MAJOR kudos and credit goes to KawasakiTriple for granting me this wonderful idea. Bet you can't guess what kind of story this is...without the trigger warnings to help you. _

_I still don't own FMA, just a computer and a preference to depressing stories. _

_If you or anyone you know is suicidal or is having suicidal thoughts please call the suicide hotline available in your country (Google will provide). Or PM me. I can't do much, but I can listen._

* * *

"Brother?"

"Go away, Al."

"Please talk to me. Please?"

"Leave me alone!"

Al fought back tears. This was the extent of all conversations he had had with Ed for the last two weeks. He knew that pushing it would only make it worse. Ed would stomp away, slamming the door, and not come home for a few hours. There's nothing Al could do to change it. So he walked away, obeying his older brother's command.

The moment Al closed the door, Ed allowed himself to let go of the tears that were waiting this whole time. Part of him wanted to tell Al what was going on, but he also didn't want anyone or anything to change his mind. He was too far gone to be saved now. If he told Al, Al would try harder, not knowing he would only be making it worse. Ed pulled his knees to his chest and let his chin rest on top of them.

None of this was going the way it should have. Things were supposed to be better once they got their bodies back, not worse. Without an ultimate goal, live just seemed…empty. Despite being completely whole again, Ed still felt like a vital part of him was missing. He felt completely and utterly alone.

Ed chuckled slightly at the irony of it. He was alone, but he still kept pushing Al away. _I don't want to bring Al down with me. He seems so happy now. He passed the State Alchemy exam by a landslide. He's been spending more times with his friends, and even made some new ones. He's doing great and I'm doing… _Ed halted his thoughts, knowing exactly where they would lead him. He didn't need to make things worse right now. He ignored his growling stomach and trudged into the bathroom.

As he stared into the mirror, putting off a much needed shower, he realized that he barely knew who he was looking at anymore. It wasn't that he looked different physically, but he felt completely separate from this face looking back at him. Logically, he knew it was his face, his body, but logic didn't change anything. Ed chuckled again. Logic hasn't made any difference in any of his feeling or thoughts lately. Take Al for example. Ed knew that Al loved him and cared about him. He knew that Al would miss him if he did anything. Maybe that's why he was pushing Al away so much. _If I could make Al hate me, it wouldn't hurt him when I… _Ed stopped again and chided himself for thinking of the things he promised he wouldn't. _I can't think like that. I can't think about…that._ Ed shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, as he stepped into the shower.

Something was off. Ed looked around, alert, trying to pinpoint whatever caught his attention. He stopped, looking down. _Damnit. Not again. _Ed turned off the water and removed the clothes he had failed to take off. _Can't even take a stupid shower without doing something wrong. _Leaving his wet clothes in a messy pile, Ed turned the shower on again and started on his usual routine to make himself presentable.

Two hours of sluggishness later, Ed finally walked out the door of his and Al's apartment. He noted, before locking the door, that Al had left without him. Again. _It's for the best. It's for the best. _That thought accompanied him all the way to Central HQ where Fuhrer Mustang waited for Ed to check in.

"Late again, Fullmetal? Do I need to take action against your consistent tardiness? Or maybe you're just so small that I completely missed you earlier?"

"HEY! I'm taller now!"

Roy smiled at the outburst, though he noticed it didn't have its usual spark. With a closer look, he also noticed that Ed looked a little worn down. His eyes seemed sunken, with dark circles settled under them. His face was ashen colored, and hair was ragged in its usual braid. _How long as he looked like this, and how did I miss this before?_ "Fullmetal, are you feeling well?"

"Why are you asking, bastard? I'm fine. Where's Al?"

"Fullmetal…"

"I said I'm fine," Ed raised his head defiantly. "Where's Al?"

"Fine. But if you pass out in the middle of the day, it will be your problem."

"Will you just tell me where Al is?"

"Alphonse has not shown up yet. Apparently he's followed your example."

Ed groaned, fighting down concern. "Whatever. What asinine job are you going to give me today?"

Mustang laughed, "Well in celebration of your growing vocabulary, you can work on that paperwork I've been waiting for."

Ed's returning glare lightened up his eyes by a few shades and Mustang smiled with pride. _There it is._


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey! Here's the UPDATE! I meant to put it up yesterday, but the Doc Manager wasn't working. But it's here now! And I really hope you all like it, hopefully, maybe. Let me know. _

_And, yes, if you haven't notcied yet (somehow) this is a chapter story that is *in progress*. I figured I'd see how it would be like not writing it all at once, and FORCING PEOPLE TO BEND TO MY WILL! Or something like that. _

* * *

_Stupid Mustang. The power's going to his head. Giving me this stupid job with these stupid papers in this stupid office. Stupid. _Ed continued to grumble as he attempted to complete his work. Between writing reports, copying reports, reading reports, and filing them in the correct places, Ed had his hands full. Literally. Of course, reports weren't the only paper work he had to tackle today. He didn't even want to think about that. He slowly scrawled his signature on the last page sitting in front of him. He sighed in relief. _There. Finished. _

He looked up. _With that stack. _Piles of papers surrounded him. Right as he decided to take a break, Mustang and his gang filed in.

"For your own sake, Fullmetal, you had better not be slacking. Let me know if you need a booster seat."

Edward glared up and him, sitting up straight, but still grumbling.

"Don't let him get to you, Edward." Riza Hawkeye pushed pass Mustang, giving him a glare also. "He's angry because he has managed to delay his work all morning, and now must try to finish it all in a few hours. "

Now it was Mustang's turn to grumble, though he quickly tried to change the subject. "Fullmetal. I did see Alphonse earlier. He wanted someone to let you know he was going home. Perhaps if you finish sometime this week…"

Ed tried to hide how his mood lifted from knowing that Al was okay. Though, now he was wondering if seeing Alphonse was something he wanted. _Al would probably try to talk to me again. I don't know if I can handle that right now. _For a moment, Ed actually thought about staying to work, instead of going home, but he quickly pushed that temptation out of his head. _Like hell I'm staying here any longer than I have to._

"Hey, boss!" Ed jumped as Havoc waved his hand in front of his face. "You okay?"

Ed looked up and tried to smile. "I'm fine."

Riza strode over to his desk and smacked her hand down on the table, causing Ed to jump again. "No, you're not, Edward. You look terrible and you keep flinching at the slightest movement. You can't get work done properly if you can't focus. Go home. You have the rest of the day off."

Ed blinked, taking a few moments to process Riza's words. As he was about to protest, Roy spoke up. "I hardly think that's fair, 'General'."

"You don't get a break, sir. You signed up for this when you became Fuhrer."

"But…"

"There are no 'buts, Roy." Everyone in the room laughed at the idea (and fact) that the Fuhrer seemed to be taking orders from General Hawkeye.

Mustang straightened himself, and attempted to look commanding. "That is no way to talk to your superi-"

He was cut off by the sight of a gun pointed at him. "This discussion is over. You're Roy Mustang before you're a Fuhrer. You can't pull rank on me, and we all know you won't. Ed, go home."

As Mustang fought to find words of protest, Ed bolted for the door. He looked back to see Havoc and Breda laughing as Mustang backed away from Hawkeye towards his door.

The moment Ed left the office he abandoned his forced air of usual confidence and slumped down the hall. He was grateful to get off work, but dreaded going home to face Al. _I have nowhere better to go. Hey, maybe Al will be out and I'll be able to sneak into my bedroom before he even knows I'm there._ Ed knew the thought was foolish. He shouldn't be afraid to see his own brother, and knowing Al, he'd be preparing dinner for when Ed gets home.

Ed trudged towards home, and, with a look at his watch, found he had arrived an hour after he left Central. _Damnit. It usually only takes 30 minutes tops to get home. I must have zoned out and taken the long way. Either that or I was walking way slower than usual. Damnit. Al will definitely be waiting for me now. _Ed shook his head and tried to disguise his feelings behind his usual façade. He practically used it all the time, once fooling himself that it was real, but lately it took up too much energy to keep it up. He had to fight to keep it up around people, and sometimes he failed at even that. _This isn't how things are supposed to be. What's wrong with me?_

He halted his thoughts once more as he unlocked the door to his and Al's apartment. Sure enough, Al was sitting at the table, reading, as dinner cooled off on the stove. Al looked up at the sound of the door closing and his eyes lit up. "Brother!" He stood up quickly. "I didn't think you'd be home this early! I mean, it's great! And now we can actually eat together!" Ed could have sworn Al's face fell momentarily, but it lifted back up immediately.

"Yea." Ed scratched his head, disrupting his braid even more, as he fought to find something else to say.

"It's not too early to eat, if you want."

"Al…" Ed took a breath, slightly regretting what he was about to say. "Look, Al, I'm really tired and I think I'm just going to go to bed. I have work again tomorrow. Go ahead and eat. I'll see you in the morning."

Ed walked away. He saw Al's head drop, but not the tears that started streaking his younger brother's face. He also didn't hear Al's quiet whisper "But I miss you."

* * *

_Please review, so that I know if I'm doing something wrong. I'd love feedback, since I am a worrier. For those of you sticking around, I love you._

_Should no problems arise, this story will be updated tomorrow. _


	3. Chapter 3

_Hello again. Thank you to all of you sticking around. It makes my day every time I read reviews and see the notifications of followers and favorites. I may write mainly for myself, but I write for you wonderful people too. So, again, thank you. You all rock, and I hope you'll enjoy._

* * *

Ed awoke to find a dark and silent house. No sun even threatened to shine through the windows yet. He glanced at his clock and saw that it was absurdly early. He rubbed his eyes. _Something must have woken me up. Somehow, I know it. What was it? _

He looked around his room, and noticed a small point of light coming from the street below. After months of living here, Ed knew that there were no streetlamps around to provide that light, so he cautiously approached his window. He immediately located the source of the light. A small antique lantern. _No one has used one of those in years. It kind of looks like the one Al and I made when we were bored. _He squinted, trying to get a better look at the retreating figure. _It can't be. Al would never- _

Ed jumped up and considered running after his brother, curious as to what Al was doing. He considered… before falling into bed, overcome with exhaustion and unable to stay upright, much less run. The thoughts that followed him to bed were of Al, as were his dreams.

_He is running. Running. He's looking for something. Someone? But everything is grey. So grey. He can't see anything. Not even himself. He knows his legs are moving. He knows his hands are reaching out. But he can't see them. He can't see anything. Wait. There. A light. Moving. It seemed just ahead. Wait. He can see a figure now. Holding the light. Holding it in their palm. Like a ball. But they're walking away. Farther. Farther. Farther. He runs. He runs as fast as he can. But the faster he runs, the rather away they get. He stops. Collapses. He can't move. In the distance, they turn around. Wait. Not "they". ''He"._

_AL! AL! ALPHONSE NO! DON'T GO! I NEED YOU! ALPHONSE!_

Ed wakes up, gasping for air. The morning sun lights up his room. Why did he wake up? He fought to remember the dream. Was he screaming? What was he screaming? He suddenly remembered the night before. _Was that even real? Or was it part of the dream. _

His thoughts were interrupted by the smell of coffee and the sound of dishes being moved around. _Al! _Edward jumped out of bed and rushed to his bedroom door. With his hand left hovering over the door knob, he stopped. _What am I going to say to him? What can I say to him? _Ed was lost in thought until a knock came at the door, inches from his face. He held back a startled screech, and yelled at himself for being so tense and weak.

He opened the door to find Al standing there, with a smile on his face and a cup of coffee in his hand. "Oh! Brother! You're already awake. Good. I wanted to make sure you wouldn't be late for work again. We can walk together!" Al's smile somehow grew bigger.

Ed smiled and nodded absent-mindedly. He was still trying to shake the confusing pain from the night before, and wasn't able to fully process Al's words. He bowed his head slightly as he accepted the warm mug into his hands. Drawing it close to his chest, head bent over to take in its aroma, he settled down in his usual seat at the table. Briefly, he remembered that he hadn't sat in that chair for a while. He relaxed as he revealed in the almost-forgotten 'comfiness' of the chair he picked out long ago. He refused to let his memories take over, as he registered that Al was speaking.

"-said that today would be a busy day, and that we'd need to be at our 'peak performance'. It's supposed to be challenging work. Maybe it will be a case! I haven't been on a mission yet." All chuckled. "It seems that most people have been too scared to mess with the military, now that the Hero of Ishval and the Hero of Amestris are working together. Isn't that right, Ed?"

Ed nodded, distracted. His mind was still stuck trying to remember his dream. _I don't remember it at all. All I remember is feeling terrified. What happened? _Ed realized, once again, that Al was talking. _I need to stop zoning out. What is Al talking about? Something about work?_

"Brother? Are you okay?" Al watched as Ed visibly shook himself. Ed tried desperately to focus on his younger brother.

"I'm sorry, Al. I'm fine. Just tired I guess. I'm fine." Ed tried to call up his cheerful face though he knew he was failing miserably. _Why is it getting harder to do this? I used to be so good at…pretending._

"Are you sure? I could call Riza and say that you're sick. She would understand."

"I said I'm fine! I don't need you treating me like a child. Leave me alone." Ed looked up and could have sworn his heart shattered at the look on Al's face. Ed could tell Al was (unsuccessfully) trying to hide it. "Al..."

Al carefully stood from his chair. "I'll see you at work." With those too quiet words, Al left Ed alone, just like he wanted.

* * *

_Sorry for the short chapters. I'm fairly sure that I'm just dragging this out. *shrugs* Sorry. New update soon, I promise._


	4. Chapter 4

'_Sup? I'll tell you what's up...AN UPDATE. That was terrible. I'm sorry._

_Anyways. More Ed being an angsty asshat. Enjoy! _

* * *

Ed released a sigh of relief when he found Al talking to Brigadier General Fuery at Head Quarters. He stood silently, watching Al and, for the first time, seeing Al's tired expression. He looked exactly how Ed felt. _Damnit. I knew I was hurting him. I did this to him. I'm…I'm…_ Ed usually tried to stop those kinds of thoughts, but, today, he didn't care. He was ready to meet them head-on. _I'm a terrible person. All these years I've fought and defeated so many terrible people because they were hurting the people I loved. Why should I be any different? I'm too tired to keep fighting this. I've been trying to ignore this for a while now, but I can't. Not anymore. It's too strong… _Ed gave a quick nod of resolve. _Right. I'm going to do this. As soon as I can. _With that finalizing thought, Ed moved on, passing Al without a glance.

Everyone noticed the new fire behind Ed's eyes. It was different this time, though. Not at all like his usual flare. It seemed dangerous somehow. Once again, it was General Hawkeye to approach him. "Edward."

Ed met her stare for a few moments before faltering. "Yes, General?"

"Edward Elric. You look at me."

He looked up again as he heard the sound of a gun holster being opened. He once again tried to hold her gaze, but settled on staring at her shoulder.

Riza Hawkeye sighed. "Edward, what are you doing?"

"What do you mean 'what am I doing''? I'm working!" As his irritation grew, his eyes finally loved on Riza's.

"Stop acting like a child, Edward. What are you doing here? I have given you the day off, by the command of the Fuhrer himself. Alphonse, too. I believe Fuery is speaking to him now." Her voice softened. "Edward, you may not know this, but we do all care about you. Even Roy. Roy and I think that you and Al just need a break."

"Wait, but Al was told that today was going to be busy…"

"That is not your concern right now. You worry about Al and yourself. Roy has approved a week vacation for both of you."

"That bastard has no right-"

Riza reached for her gun. "Don't go there, Ed."

Ed closed his mouth, fuming. He pushed passed Riza, glaring straight into her eyes. "I don't need your help. I know what I need to do."

Riza watched as Ed slammed the door. She felt a rising concern, but her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Fuhrer Roy Mustang swearing at his paperwork.

Ed stormed out of HQ, too busy focusing on his anger to think about Al. At least until he slammed their apartment door open and saw Al quickly swipe at his eyes. _Was Al…crying?_

Before Ed had a chance to ask, Al piped up with is usual cheery voice. "Hey, Brother! Riza gave me the day off too! Isn't she great?" Before Ed even had a chance to blink, Al continued, talking fast. "Now we can spend the whole day together! I stopped by the market and got a bunch of stuff for dinner! I was thinking about making stew and apple pie and…" Al trailed off, looking at Ed carefully. "You're not…you're not going to leave this time, are you? I mean…I really do want to spend some time together. I won't try to talk about anything if you don't want me to." Al was speaking fast again, but his eyes were watery and trained on the floor.

Al finally stopped babbling when Ed pulled him into a hug. "You dummy." Ed stepped away and forced a smile, making Al smile too. "Ok. Where did you put the apples?"

The next few hours were filled with Ed's fake laughs and Al's genuine ones. Finally, the apple pie was cooling and the stew was cooking, and the boys stepped back, admiring their work. Al punched Ed's arm, not noticing the returning flinch, and laughed. "Look at this mess! Someone will have to clean all this up." He looked at Ed, still smiling. 'NOT IT!"

Al dissolved into laughter as Ed once again forced a smile on his face. "Heh. Yea. Can it wait for tomorrow? I'm starving."

Al grinned and, in answer, grabbed the dishware. Within minutes, the two were seated. Al talked the entire time they ate, whereas Ed vaguely smiled and nodded at the appropriate times.

After a while, Ed lost focus, distracted by his own thoughts. _Al looks so happy. When was the last time I looked like that? When was the last time I felt like that? I can't seem to remember. Will I ever be happy again? Maybe. But I can't risk the chance of that not happening. I can't just wait around to feel better. I honestly don't think it's worth it. And look how happy Al is. He's talking about all his friends and he's happy. Happier than I could ever make him. I've been making him cry. Worrying him. It's not fair to him. He deserves so much more than a depressed brother. I have to do this. For him. For Al. _Al was still talking, soEd forced himself to focus again and attempted to make his smile look real.

"Anyways, like I was saying earlier, I really want to spend more time with you tomorrow. Since we both have the day off again. I was thinking we might go somewhere. Maybe we could go visit Gracia and Elycia! I bet they'd love to see you again!"

Ed nodded. "Sure, Al."

"Great!" Al put his fork down. "Brother?"

"Yea?" Ed answered more out of habit than from paying attention.

"Are you angry with me? Did I do something wrong?"

At this, Ed's head snapped up and his mind sharpened. "What?"

Al stared at his empty plate. "I mean, you always seem upset when I try to talk to you and you always look like you want to be somewhere else. You act like you don't want me around…Do you hate me?"

Ed reached across the table and grabbed Al's arm. "Al, never think that, okay? It's not because of you."

"So something is wrong?" Al looked up anxiously.

Ed withdrew quickly. "No, everything's fine."

"Ed, please don't do that. I'm not trying to hurt you or anything. Why don't you trust me?"

"Al…it's not because of you. I know I've been weird, but it's not because of you. It's just…me. I just haven't been feeling right. I have a hard time thinking, and feeling and..." Ed jumped back in his chair, nearly falling over. _DAMNIT! What am I doing? I can't tell him this crap! It will make things worse! It will hurt him! Damnit…look at his face….damnit. I have to fix this!_ "Eh, don't listen to me. I'm just tired. I'm fine, really. Just tired."

Tears began to form in Al's eyes again. "Brother, please just talk to me. I need…I need to tell-"

Ed stood up, trying to stop his hands from shaking. "Al, I just need some sleep. I'm fine."

"No you're not. And neither am-"

"I'm fine!" Ed clenched his fists.

"Brother-"

"I SAID I'M FINE!"

Al recoiled at his brother's anger. "But-"

Ed slammed his hands on the table, failing to hide his shakes. His voice was quiet now. "I'm going to bed."

Al swallowed and responded just as quietly. "I think I need he-"But Ed was already walking away. Al felt anger rising up as he stared at Ed's back. "YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME! ALL THIS TIME I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING! BUT YOU NEVER LISTEN!"

Ed spun around, desperate to end this quickly. "Al. I can't do this right now, okay. I know you're worried, but you won't have to worry for long." _breathe. why can't i breathe?_

"It's more than that, Brother." Al seemed to choke on his words.

_can't breathe. can't breathe._

"There's something wrong." Tears were streaming down Al's face.

_i have to get out of here. away. i'm hurting him. why do i keep hurting him._

"It's about me, too."

Ed snapped. "OF COURSE IT'S ABOUT YOU! I'M DOING THIS FOR YOU! BUT YOU WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Al flinched at Ed's loud, sudden voice. "What…?"

"Al, I need to be alone right now, okay?"

"But, Brother…"

Overcome with exhaustion, Ed completely gave up control. "DAMNIT, AL! LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU, OKAY? JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I'm going out." Ed ran out of the apartment as swiftly as he could. The last thing he heard before the door slammed shut was the sound of Al's sobs.

* * *

_Kinda short, I know. BUT! There's a reason. That reason being my complete ridiculousness. Five is a nice and tidy number. And this needs to be a nice and tidy story. And of course I totally didn't just admit that there is just one more chapter left. Oops._


	5. Chapter 5

_Here I am with the update. The final chapter. And LO AND BEHOLD another suicide note. I do that a lot, actually. I seem to be fairly good at it. Anyways. _

_TRIGGER WARNING for suicide/suicide attempt (trying not to spoil anything) and blood. _

_Ok. So. Enjoy._

* * *

Ed had no idea how long he spent walking down the now-dark streets. The sun had long since gone down, and his tears had long since dried up. He didn't remember screaming, but his throat felt like he had. He walked aimlessly, completely lost in his thoughts. _How? Where? When? I don't know. I've never…killed myself before. Obviously. But still. I know Fuhrer Bastard tried once with a gun, but I don't have a gun. I could jump. But off of what? I don't have any pills or anything. I do have a rope, but would I be able to make that work. There's so many ways it could go wrong. I only have one chance. I don't know what to do, but I need to do it. Soon. I've hurt Al too much. I mean, this will hurt him, too. But then that's it. I won't be able to hurt him anymore. And I won't have to feel like this any longer. I can't. I can't deal with this anymore. I'm supposed to be strong but I'm not that strong. I've fought so many monsters but I can't fight myself anymore. I don't think I'll be able to stand another day. I need to this. Tonight. But how?_

Ed barely even realized he had fallen to the ground as his next thought ran through his head. He felt a morbid smile grow on his worn face. _I have a knife._

Ed wasn't even aware of his flight home. His mind was stuck on repeat. _I have a knife. I have a knife. I have a knife. _He knew without a doubt that it would work. He knew exactly how to slice through skin. Exactly where to cut. Exactly how deep it had to be. He and Al found a body once. A girl who had ended her own life. Ed shuddered at the memory. It was gruesome. _So much blood. But her face…she looked so peaceful. I remember her smile. I had dreamed about it for weeks. Soon that will be me. _Ed slowed to a walk as he approached his apartment building and his excitement dimmed. The light in Al's bedroom was on. _I can't let him know. Besides, I don't think I'd be able to talk to him right now. It will take a while, but he'll realize it's for the best. He'll remember all the times I've hurt him and he'll be relieved. I won't be able to hurt him anymore._

Ed took a deep breath and cleared his head as he stepped into the apartment. Sure enough, Al's bedroom door was closed. Ed walked towards it silently. He could hear Al crying. Ed almost knocked on the door, wanting to comfort his brother and apologize. His hand froze right before knocking. _I can't. It's for the best._

Instead, Ed entered his own room, overcome with exhaustion. He decided with a nod that his plan could wait until tomorrow. After all, he didn't want Al to be the one to find him.

_I'm running. Running. I'm looking for something. Someone? But everything is black. Completely black. I can't see anything. Not even myself. I know my legs are moving. I know my hands are reaching out. But I can't see them. I can't see anything. Wait. There. A light. Moving. It seems just ahead. Wait. I can see a figure now. Holding the light. Holding it in their palm. Like a ball. But they're walking away. Farther. Farther. Farther. I run. I run as fast as I can. But the faster I run, the rather away they get. I stop. Collapse. I can't move. In the distance, they turn around. Wait. Not "they". ''He". Al. Slowly, too slowly, Al walks back. Getting closer. closer .closer. Until he's right there. He's right here. Al. I can't speak. I can't move. I want to do something. I have to do something. Al. I can't. I can't move. Why can't I move. Al. Wait. Is he talking? What is he saying? Listen. Listen._

Ed woke up. Screaming. The last of the dream burned in his brain. Al's voice. Quiet. Filled with hate or sorrow or both. "Goodbye, Brother."

Ed ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet in time. After the meager contents of his stomach disappeared down the drain, he curled up on the floor, fighting to remember last night. The dinner. Al crying. The dream. What else? Ed bolted to his feet. _The knife!_

He opened his door. The place was eerily quiet. "Al?" Ed walked into the kitchen. "Hey, Al? You here?" When no answer came, Ed went into his brother's room. It was empty. Al was gone. Ed smiled. His first real smile in a long time.

Ed opted to spend his last few hours alive trying to enjoy himself. He felt relaxed. Lighter. Already he was at peace with his plan. He took his time taking a long shower. Though he hadn't worn it in a long time, he retrieved his old outfit. The familiar black leather and red cloth hugged him. He chuckled as he examined his old platform shoes. He didn't need those anymore, and they were too small for him anyways.

Once dressed, he cleaned the apartment. He piled his belonging on his bed. _That will make it easier for Al to get rid of my stuff. _Ed shook his head, promising to not think of Al anymore. He couldn't change his mind. No matter what.

With everything settled to Ed's satisfaction, he allowed himself to slow down. He had purposefully kept himself busy, stalling for no reason. He forced himself to focus. _It's time. _

Ed grabbed the notepad and pen that he and Al kept on the counter for messages. He vaguely noticed that a page had been ripped off. He only noticed because they had yet to actually use it yet, since they relayed messages through mouth rather than paper. He shrugged it off and put the pad down on the table. _Now, the knife. I'll write the note and leave it here. Then I'll go somewhere. I don't know where, but away from here. Al can't find me. _He shook his head at breaking his promise. _No. I'm going to do this. There's no turning back._

Ed approached the closet where they kept the knife. It was hidden in a box under some towels, to be used in an emergency. He and Al sharpened it regularly to make sure it'd be ready for immediate use should there be danger. Without Ed's alchemy and with their reputation, they could be mistaken for a good target.

_Wait. The box's too light._

Ed opened the box and found a single piece of paper, folded up with his name printed in Al's handwriting. He dropped to his knees and his heart fell with him. It was a note.

_Brother, I know now that you don't want me around. You're angry at me, even if you won't admit it. I think I know why. Ever since you brought my body back in exchange for your alchemy, you've grown more distant. I know you hate not having alchemy, and having to rely on mine. Of course, I know it's more than that. But you won't talk to me. _

_The truth is, Brother, is that I haven't been doing very well since then. I don't know what's happening to me, but I feel so empty and sad all the time. I thought that becoming a State Alchemist, that having a purpose again, would help. But it didn't, and I had no idea what to do. I started to do something terrible, Brother. I tried to find ways to tell someone, to tell you, but I could never find the words. But it doesn't matter now, because I'm leaving. I can't do this anymore. I can't bear this pain. It's too much. It won't stop. I've been thinking about doing this for a while now, but I stayed here for you. I realize now, though, that I can give us both something we want. I can get rid of this pain and get your alchemy back too. _

_I know you'll be okay, Brother. You don't need me. You'd be better off without me. Everyone will. _

_I love you._

Ed rushed to the bathroom again, but there was nothing in his stomach to throw up. After a few minutes of dry heaving, he sat down and re-read the note. The more he read it, the more tears smeared the ink, until he could only read it from memory. As he sat there, he tried to think of where Al would go. It was pretty obvious what he was doing. It was the same thing Ed was going to do.

_All this time…I should have listened. Al. Al._

"AL!"

Ed screamed as he rushed out the door, going to the only place he could think Al might go. It was the only kind of place Al would go for this. At least, Ed thought so. He had no idea when Al left, or how much time he would take. Ed could only hope that Al hadn't done it yet.

As he ran, his thoughts were stuck on Al and his heart was filled with guilt. _This is my fault. He tried to tell me. He felt the same way, but he actually tried to tell me. It's my fault. I thought I was doing what was best for him. I thought I'd be helping. But I didn't know. I didn't listen. I'm the one who deserves to die, not him. Not Al. NOT MY LITTLE BROTHER!_

Ed quickly reached the river leading away from Central. _He has to be here. I can't be wrong. I have to save him. He has to be here. _Ed ran along the river bed as he searched for Al. Every second that passed felt like an hour.

There. "Al! AL!" Ed sprinted and fell to the ground next to his brother's unmoving body. Ed took in the scene with horror. There was an uncompleted transmutation circle on the ground, drawn with the blood that Al's body was covered with. There were two deep gashes on each arm, splitting the skin diagonally. The knife that Ed had planned on using lay on the ground.

Ed scrambled for Al, pulling him into his arms. He searched for a pulse, his blood-covered hands slipping.

Ed sighed in slight relief. A pulse. Just strong enough to indicate life. He tore his cloak to make bandages, tightly winding them around Al's arms. Ed noted that there was still some blood flowing. At least that too meant Al was still alive. With the wounds bound, Ed fought to find a way to wake up his brother. It would take too long to reach Central, and as long as Al was unconscious, he would likely fade away before they even had a chance at reaching a hospital. And without his alchemy, there was no way to signal for help.

"Al. Al, you have to wake up. I can't save you like this. You have to wake up. Please wake up." Ed dragged Al towards the river, unable to think of anything else. He brought Al's body to the edge of the water and used more pieces from his coat to clean up the blood.

As the blood on Al's arm washed away, Ed noticed with dread that there were marks going up both of Al's arms. _Scars? Some look really old. But others look brand new. No. No. Al would never do that. But. He did say he was doing something terrible. Is this what he meant? He's been…cutting himself? _Ed sobbed and his desperation grew. _I didn't know. I should have known! How could I be such a terrible brother! _

Ed began shaking Al's body and checking his pulse obsessively. "Alphonse, please come back. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have been there for you. I should have listened and watched. You're my little brother. I should have noticed. I didn't know. I didn't know you felt the same way I did. I thought I was doing the right thing. I knew I was hurting you, but I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to find out. All this time, we've felt the same way, but you tried to get help. You tried to tell me and I didn't listen. I promise I'll listen now. I'll never think about killing myself again, I promise. I'll stay here. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Al. Come back. PLEASE WAKE UP!"

As Ed screamed and repeated his last words, he felt, with shock, that Al's pulse had changed. "Alphonse? Alphonse! Come on! Please! You're almost there! Please wake up! Wake up. Wake up!"

Ed kept talking as Al's pulse grew slightly stronger. He rocked Al in his arms as tears continued to stream down his face. His throat began to feel raw, and his body began to tire, but he kept going. Al's pulse plateaued, but was strong enough to relieve some of Ed's worry. But still, Al did not wake up.

Hours passed and the sun was high in the sky. Ed thought of nothing but his brother, even as his voice grew hoarse and would barely produce anymore words. He brought his mouth to Al's ear. "I love you. Please wake up. I love you."

Finally, FINALLY, Al stirred. He groaned and buried his face into Ed's chest. "ALPHONSE!" Ed resisted movement, not wanting to disturb his brother. "Al." He felt his rigid body relax. "You're awake." Al groaned again and tried to lift himself up. He hissed at the pain in his arms and fell back into Ed's lap. "Al, don't move. I don't think you're strong enough yet. Just stay here for a bit."

Al's eyes opened slowly and focused, just as slowly, on Ed's face. Al smiled slightly and let out a small breath. "Brother."

Ed grinned as tears fell anew and hauled his little brother into a tight hug. "You idiot."

* * *

_TA-DA! And yes, unfortunately, that is the end._


End file.
